Will I ever have the courage to come off my medication?

I mean it’s pretty obvious from the title what this post is going to be about, right?

And it’s something that has been racking at my brain the past week. If you’re new to my website I’m currently taking a medication daily called sertraline for my anxiety and depression and have been just touching four months down the line.

All I can say is confidence.

What a changed person I have become and for the better, I’m not going to sugar coat it and says it’s been easy because the beginning was the hardest like any new object in your life can be.

And if you’re going through something similar you can read my from the very first “medication related” blog post here or if you’re just intrigued check it out!

I thought writing this update was important, keeping a diary if you like on the stages to follow up on the previous and for myself to see the progress in my emotions.

One thing I’m going to go back to that I quoted above is confidence. I swear I have gained this new confidence in the last couple of months and I feel FABULOUS

Adventuring out by myself, doing things I’ve never imagined doing! I feel alive again!!!

No anxiety about going to Tesco alone or feeling like I’m about to faint.

No wanting to cry because I feel out my comfort zone and want to be in my safe zone at home.

No panicking about getting a tube by myself in a crowed situation.

I just cannot explain how good it feels to feel like this?! I’ve never not known myself to be a panicky mess and it’s amazing!

The downsides:

I feel more depressed than I feel my anxiety – it’s not the best balance but without sounding picky I think I prefer it just because my anxiety stopped me doing so much.

Feeling emotionless: you guessed it another dreaded side effect…know when you’re hormonal and want to cry over anything? I cannot seem to do that I feel numb…but then again it blocks out the constant panic I beforehand had in my chest 24/7.

The headaches: ever since I have been suffering with severe headaches from time to time to the point I need to sit in a dark room, but with any medication there is side effects.

Counselling seems pointless: it’s frustrating because I waited 6-8 weeks to go back to counselling again but feeling like this I feel like I’m taking nothing in? All the exercises and tasks I’ve been set e.g face something I feel like going to Tesco alone..I feel like I can do it now I feel emotionless because I’m not panicking? Then on the other hand if I choose to finish my sessions early I will be discharged…then if I come off my medication it will be a viscous circle again?!

My biggest worry currently is what is going to happen the day I start weaning myself off these “happy tablets”.

I keep putting off my 3 month review with my doctor because I’m scared of hearing “shall we try wean you off” I’m just not ready but I don’t want to be dependent forever? I want to build myself up again!

Will I be able to cope?

Or will I spin back to how I was beforehand?

Will I be able to leave the house?

Go to work and not have a panic attack in the toilet?

Go to town alone to do the simplest task?

Avoid my friends and family because I’m scared of embarrassing myself?

I dread to think about it and if I’m honest I am so so scared to be that “person” again because deep down I know I’m a loud colourful individual just trapped with these demons hanging over me.

It’s one of those things in life you have to overcome and I’ve done the hardest part already accepting I needed that coping mechanism to get me through.

If anybody else is going or has been through similar situations I would love to talk and exchange advice!

Until next time and hopefully on a brighter note!

Shanice

Xox

What I love about the blogging industry & a year later.

I felt an overdue update was owed on why I love the blogging Industry and of course I’ve hit my one year mark.

Starting my blog properly back in November 2017 followed by me creating my own website *yay here we are* I felt I have come a long way and gained a hell of lot of confidence I probably needed it at the beginning – for example my first ever blog post which you can read here … it’s safe to say I’ve gotten more creative with my writing because I actually super enjoy it! *shock if you know me* it’s my guilty pleasure for sure!!!

What I have learnt over the past year is, some of the people you engage with online are the loveliest humans ever. Just from attending events, meeting up to shoot or chatting over message – absolute angels! Where have you been all my life…

It’s just so lovely to get out there and meet like your long lost twin!! Its fab! Don’t get me wrong arranging to meet people you’ve never actually met can be risky and sometimes they don’t show but that’s general life isn’t it!

I stalk them beforehand to know who I’m meeting, is that weird? Promise I’m not weird just over paranoid I’ll get stood up lol!

But it is always someone from a blogging group not just a randomer I have picked up off the street.

There is one thing for sure what I’ve learnt a year on is: I don’t care what other people think?

Be creative, express yourself and don’t take things to heart.

When you’re from a small area like me, people are going to make assumptions and gossip it’s totally normal…at first I was too shy and cared way too much but as time went on I asked myself, why didn’t I do this sooner?!

Life is all about expressing you as an individual and doing whatever the hell makes your soul happy and this is what fills mine with happiness.

*except when you have a meltdown because you have no content to upload* that’s another discussion for another day…

Don’t get me wrong I have the down day like any other blogger and I think some days, why is no one seeing my pics am I doing something wrong? What can I do better? It’s easy to compare yourself but always remember everyone has to start from somewhere right…

Although it is massively rewarding seeing when a picture has done good and you know people have enjoyed your content you created! On one picture recently in the outfit above considering I have just 4304 followers I had 5800 views which was magnificent!!! It’s things like that, that keep you going!

It can also be hard to get the motivation to be creative and take the pictures, for instance where I live there is only so many backgrounds you can stand in front of before it gets repetitive. I’m always finding ways to think outside the box and plan in advanced what I have been in-visioning at 11:30pm when I’m trying to sleep…I’m one for overthinking for sure!

I started off on my very first Instagram post being the below.

To scared to get my face in and worrying about what others would think. Let’s face it I don’t have the “normal” fashion sense and I just wanted to express that! Feel free to scroll down my page and see the endless improvements and preset changes but I think I’ve finally found where I’m happy!

But there is nothing like taking your suitcase up to London and having a shoot day, tiring but so worth it for the content! What better place to go.

Every street has a cute area to offer for the gram.

Also working 8-4 Monday-Friday there is no time to take pictures before or after and especially now it’s dark when I leave…so you spend one day on a weekend or for this instance two days taking a block of pictures ready for the following week! It’s tiring but I would not change it for the world, I just love expressing my creativity through my outfits and the locations.

So many more positives than negatives and it was the best decision I made starting one, it’s also helped massively with my mental health because I’m diverting it in a way to do what I feel passionate about?

It’s changed me for the better, for definite.

So without blabbing on any longer I hope you have enjoyed my little update and can see why I love blogging!

Until next time.

Shanice

Xox

My trip to Santorini…

All I can start by saying is *breath taking*

Book your flight, pack your bags and head out that door immediately.

If only it was that easy, *sigh*

But honestly here is why Santorini is on my recommendation list.

It really is like the Instagram pictures you see and it’s famous sunsets…minus all the 100,000 steps you will take in your vaccay but it’s so worth every single minute!!!

Just remember COMFY trainers, because I only took two types of vans with me for comfort and as spongey as they are, they’re not hiking shoes.

1. Love dessert? You’re heading to the right place. Any type of flavour you can think of, they’ve got it!

Ps I recommend the sour apple flavour!

Disclaimer *i had at least two a day* you’re on holiday right, it’s acceptable? Also nearly forgetting the extra large Nutella filled doughnut I had for breakfast one day…

2. Hire some transport – I cannot stress this enough, if you want to save $$$ look into hiring some wheels to get around! Despite how small the island is an hour drive from one side to another to be exact (our 6 minute drive to our hotel from the airport) we were charged €25 for a taxi…imagine doing that every day. No thank you I’m not made of money’sssss.

We hired a car which worked out €25 a day, which is pretty decent – before this trying a quad bike and it’s safe to say it was not for me!

Our trusty little car got us from a to b and in fact it was easier than a tour bus as we just used our sat nav and got to where we needed to be!

We stayed in Thira which was the “city centre” which was handy as that was one of the biggest tourist areas… but it was just not possible to walk to when the roads were like country ones and everyone drives like a maniac literally.

There was bus services but heading their end of October, I didn’t see many driving about…

3. Visit Oia the islands top tourist picture spot, it’s the top of the island and has the most beautiful views for the sunset..on the pricey side to stay but after staying in Thira I personally preferred being surrounded by more restaurants etc. Plus it was only a 20 minute drive which was bareable!

4. Visit all the surrounding beaches..red beach, black beach & white beach. All accessible mostly by climbing through some form of rocks lol so be prepared! Unless you visit the black beach at Kamari which was just like a regular beach! But the views were so worth it for the other two, the photo below was from red beach and be volcanic activity had created a stunning picture. *sad because it was way to cold for a dip*

^on the right side of the picture is where we had the climb up, to climb back down to get into the sanded bit! Be careful.

5. Do a boat trip – after being in Santorini for 4 days we soon realised due to the size of the island a week was just too long and you became stuck on things to do. So walking down to the port in Thira (after walking down 600 steps exactly) I felt the burn. We discovered daily boar trips and we signed straight up! We selected the 6 hour trip visiting the famous volcano, hot springs and a small island over the ocean called Therissa.

There is a donkey ride option up and down the steps but I wasn’t down for making the poor loves struggle. So a cable car was the other option back up! At €6 each I was not impressed…

*think of the toned legs, I kept telling myself*

Walking on a volcano has to be one of the coolest things I’ve done in 22 years of Shanice and even being told it was still live freaked me out but it was crazy!

Next the hot springs…well this was of course only accessible by getting into the sea as the boat couldn’t get to close to the bottom etc and for anyone that knows me, knows how much the sea petrifies me! (Not a strong swimmer at the best of times)

But I thought I’m only holiday, I’ll never probably experience this again, I need to do it. Only having to swim 20km to the hot springs I doggy paddled crying inside until my feet could touch the bottom! *and breath*

Therissa was a lovely little island with about 3 shops where we stopped for our daily dose of gyros – if you have had one I hope we can relate! If you haven try one immediately.

6. Wonder the streets of wherever you are in Santorini, I cannot stress how many hidden features we spotted on our trip. Like for instance a book shop on a cliff? It was so cute and just made a lovely setting over looking the sea.

This was in Oia and is pretty easy to find!

7. Visit the famous blue topped buildings. Literally everywhere but mostly in Oia – like the pictures you see on the internet…white washed.

It really is the best place if you love a good photo opportunity and want a pic for the “gram”. Although with any touristy place, there is tourists and a lot of them…I dread to think what it is like during peak season! So you have to be quick or just wait your turns if you don’t want to be photobombed.

8. The downsides of Santorini. With every place you visit there is always downsides you find and this is what I found out! It’s not wheelchair friendly in the slightest which can be quite restricting if you’re planning a visit with a loved one. Steps, steps and more cobble steps EVERYWHERE. Besides that I was pretty happy with my visit and cannot fault the place.

The people were pleasant and lovely, the tourists were lovely and offered to take photos for you – I didn’t feel like I had to hide my bag if that makes sense? Like if you’ve ever visited Barcelona that downside is that there is pick pocketers EVERYWHERE – I felt totally safe in Santorini!

I hope you have enjoyed my down low on my stay in Santorini – and if you want to see any more vaccay pics head over to my Instagram below.

Until next time angels.

Shanice

Xox

My collab with Caseapp.

What a perfect time to write a blog post whilst chilling on the sofa wrapped in my dressing gown…

Recently I was approached by the company Caseapp, who specialise in personal cases for your phone or laptop. Not forgetting also skins which I had never heard of before this!

I had the opportunity to design my own case and skin for my iPhone, which btw was so much fun!

I think sometimes with choosing a phone case they all seem to be the same and you just want it to look a specific way or be a certain colour, but doing this I had the freedom to go crazy!!!

Which was even better it was so simple to use, I’ll link the website below.

These are the steps:

1. Choose your image, I got mine from google! (If you want a personal photo, just pick one from your camera roll).

2. Upload and fit to the scale, it will notify you if the image quality is bad and whether to choose another image.

3. Simple as that, you preview and continue to delivery details.

Of course I had to involve fluffy unicorns on clouds…I’m a kid at heart & it reminds me of “it’s so fluffy”.

I have been offered my own personalised discount code to you all, at checkout enter: SHANICEBAKER20 easy as that!

The website link is also listed below, one click here you’re taken straight away!

I hope you’ve enjoyed a different post, it was nice to write something different!

Until next time angels.

Shanice

Xox

*this was a collab with Caseapp and all opinions are my own*

Should shooting alone be embarrassing, or impossible?

I thought whilst sitting on a 4 hour flight I have some much needed me time to write some new content 30,000ft up in the clouds – I can never sleep on planes, despite being up since 2am.

Ps I’m off to Santorini for a bday get away & I cannot wait to write up about it on my return…

So the point of this particular blog post is all about going “shooting” by yourself and if it’s possible?!

Has anyone else had this struggle and been successful?!

It can be frustrating some times when you want to create a bunch of outfit pictures in one go or even just get that one cute pic, but you have no one to take the photos or better still a tripod…I’ve tried a tripod and the angle just doesn’t cut it for me.

Don’t know if it’s my lack of tech knowledge or I’m just useless at using self timer.

Last Sunday I had this testing me, as per I was walking round London with my holographic suitcase with stares from all over! A suitcase full of clothes and no one to take any photos…

I was due to meet up with a girl but commitments come up which is totally cool and I was more than happy to just wonder round and make a day of it!

Who doesn’t love all the hidden treasures in London?!

I had a list of places I wanted to visit, the type of shots I wanted in my head. I just needed to try create that, alone.

Off I trekked across Mayfair to the famous Elan cafe which I had been dying to visit, it was picture perfect and I had to take the opportunity because I never knew when I would be visiting again.

So ordering a cake not like that I actually wanted it…just so I could have a seat in the Rose covered interior. I then asked a waitress and she was more than happy, I guess she’s use to it!

To make it more awkward this was me asking her to take a photo after she literally created a bowl with her hands around my mouth to stop my cola exploding everywhere.

ALWAYS ME!

I must say asking a stranger for a photo doesn’t phase me anymore I’ve done it so many times now lol! There’s no harm in asking what’s the worse they’ll say?! No.

Of course it’s more risky if you want to shoot street style and outdoors…I haven’t attempted that yet! Indoor venues though been a success!

Unfortunately in life not everybody is made from candy floss and is nice….

I’ve always had it drilled into me since going to London alone from my nan “keep your phone in your bag” – good old nan!

I even visited the spectrum collections cafe in Carnaby street last month, again alone but using the whole “f*ck it” moto I was the only one in there and the waitress was the best ever!

She definitely knew the angels and knew what to take, I was so happy!!

How dreamy is this location though!!

The moral of this blog post is my personal experience on shooting by myself has been a success but also a pain and I would love to hear other people’s experiences!!

Until next time!

Shanice

Xox