Being honest I’ve kind of been dreading writing this particular blog post & it’s been on my to do list for a few months. I could of decided against creating it but I think it’s important to reflect on yourself from time to time…that’s not a bad thing right?!
I think what I’m trying to pin point here is that I have felt the best I have in years – mentally and psychically….if you’re familiar with my other posts you may know I’ve been taking medication for my anxiety and depression and I try to regular update where I can.
I want to share my journey as it can help somebody else & quite frankly it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
So let’s rewind it back to the very beginning of my mental health battle…I do not actually remember being a certain age and not having panic attacks, it just become second nature to me. Besides this past few months which I will get to!
It’s all about the healing journey if you want to call it that, let’s just call it that. Like anything in life things take time to heal and to understand most importantly and I fully believe I have understood every aspect I could about my mental health and how to treat it etc – where as before I was so blinded in the ‘stereotypical’ label that gets put with it.
Fast forward to this current year of 2019 and parts of 2018, I started my medication and after much persuasion I took the plunge. August 2018 was my breaking point for me, a breakdown, feeling suicidal just a very dark place I couldn’t get out of. Not leaving the house for two weeks on end, was my point of enough is enough.
Sitting here writing this June 2019 I am a completely different person, I’ve mentioned numerous times that the medication does emotionally numb you. However it brings so many other benefits I have found…such as my confidence I’ve always been hiding behind the anxiety or the loud personally that wanted to speak all those years ago but was scared what other people would think?! It’s the little things I’ve really savoured because I LOVE this version of my current self and that’s what’s amazing about the healing process, finding yourself again.
I’ve even solo travelled for the first time this year and have just booked another solo get away….considering a year ago I wouldn’t even go into Tesco alone?!
You have got to reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly.
For damn sure it won’t go away over night, you need to work on it and I’m not going to say I’m fully ‘healed’ – I still have my moments as much as the next person and I will continue for the foreseeable future! You’ve just got to ride with it.
Continue with those counselling sessions, talks with yours friends or going for a walk on your own to beat a challenge…whatever works push yourself!
Downside (positive) – there is a downside to this but also a positive. If you’ve followed me on my socials this last year (or even known me my teenage life), you may have noticed I’ve put on some slight weight. Which is water weight from the medication (cruel side effect)
Positive: I’ve looked back at my photos from last year of my natural frame which I was wearing mostly size 4-6’s and realising how unhealthy I looked. It was one of those things where that just was my natural frame and I could eat for England and stay the same, which some people would say was lucky! So I have seen that as a positive because I now haven’t constantly got family and friends ask Shanice, do you even eat? Why don’t you gain weight…you’re tiny! But that’s all I ever knew, that just was my frame!
I’ve learned to love the skin I am in (majority of me anyway) and of course everyone has flaws that they dislike in themselves and that’s totally fine. Nobody is perfect.
The moral of this is, that I’m healthy and happy. I’m grateful I’ve come this far in my own personal progress and it’s all about reflecting and just taking 5 or 10 minutes of your day to congratulate on how far you have come, from what could have been an bad experience.
There is life beyond the bad, I promise you.