The majority of people reading the title are probably thinking what the bloody hell is agoraphobia because less than 24 hours ago I had never even heard of the word let alone what it means…. another story time with Shanice, it’s a long one so get yourself some snacks & a drink!
Following up trying to get to the bottom of my crazy issues at the moment, I had a follow up call with my psychologist who’s trying to find the best solution for me to get help and learn techniques (lovely lovely lady). She started the call with hello Shanice how are you blah blah the usual greeting, then paused and said to me you have agoraphobia and at the time I thought nothing of it because I was so clueless to what it meant?!
Then the good old google search happened straight after the call ended. Google is the search engine for searching everything or anything and you will get some form of answer, sometimes completely off topic.
So I started to read all the different articles as you do, finding every type of definition, causes and why why and why? Then I just paused for a minute to take it all in, but I felt a sigh of relief in a way because it sort of made sense to everything I had felt psychically and emotionally over the past forever how many years.
I will try and show it the best way I’ve seen through articles and through a booklet I was sent to explain the best I can to you guys reading this that are still like whatttttt. This is all very fresh to me and I don’t want to give false information lol!
Breaking it down:
• scared of making an embarrassment of yourself in a public place
• doing simple things like going to a shop alone can cause a panic attack
• abnormal fear of being helpless in a situation which can be difficult to escape from
• avoidance of going places that are out your comfort zone
• stay away from situations where something bad can happen e.g traveling on public transport, in a crowd, in a que
I hope that sort of makes some sense? It may sound silly to some people but this was how I had been feeling for so many years I would avoid so many things and sometimes when I did them I would be left in a panicky mess.
Like I remember one year I went to v festival, having a good time as you do in the MASSIVE crowd and this full blown panic attack came out of no where, it had been building up because I did feel crap that day, with the bad feeling hanging over me and it resulted in me getting crowd surfed to the front for the security to take me out and lift me over the barrier where the singer was performing FML. Sorry let me repeat that again because I’m still not over the humiliation – CROWD SURFED! Cannot really get any more embarrassing than that! That is definitely one to tell the grandkids bloody hell! I hope that has made somebodies day or at least made them laugh because I have to laugh about it now haha.
Then the so so many times I have declined or cancelled plans that I’ve desperately wanted to go to but I knew that in the back of my mind being indoors = safe place.
I feel like when you get older you definitely get wiser. I’m only 21 but I feel a lot more mature and actually have a back bone to say stop when I need to…. when you’re passing that teenage stage you start to listen to yourself and not force yourself out of your comfort zone!
If you’re reading this and you can relate to these feelings/emotions, go check it out there is no harm, I was just lucky enough to be told after telling someone the severity my anxiety can get to.
I recently wrote a blog post about saying no to events you desperately want to go to – which you can read here – I just cannot believe how much it makes sense now it’s like putting a name to a face you know?!
But what is baffling me more is that I thought living with anxiety was just well anxiety, I didn’t actually realise you can get things from it, does that make sense? Like I’ve got that and now I’ve got this added on top, sort of like a tree I’ve just grew a new branch with its own problems? Mind blown.
I’m waiting to receive some advice on techniques and ways to deal with it face on. Until then I will continue my google searches and see if there are any blog posts out there I can dive into on my Friday night woo! Definitely at my brunt of it now where I’m forcing myself to go to work, having a panic attack during the day and getting home to hide, how sad am I haha.
I wanna be able to educate people on this eventually and help people most importantly, I’m here to spread my knowledge to help those who are just like me…. this is just the beginning for me to try change these empty habits if you like and I hope it can help somebody else!
I hope I haven’t sent most of you asleep and if you’re reading this well done because the long script has nearly finished!
Until next time.